


Happy birthday you sack of crap

by sonicsora



Category: Brütal Legend
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, F/M, Gen, Humor, Misunderstandings, Online Friendship, Pre-Relationship, Stripping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-27 22:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20956262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicsora/pseuds/sonicsora
Summary: Kage has the perfect surprise for Eddie's birthday, well, he thinks its perfect. Eddie and Ophelia are in strong awkward disagreement.





	Happy birthday you sack of crap

“The surprise is…?” Eddie questioned warily, nearly bumbling into a doorway as Kage steered him forward. Eddie nearly trips over a rug, guessing he was _definitely_ in his best friend’s apartment alone from the rug being this rumpled and y’know the weed stink. The whole blindfold thing is weird and kind of throwing Eddie the fuck off. This isn’t their usual celebration. 

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.” The overweight man says dryly back, pushing Eddie froward, “Couch.” He says in vague warning as the roadie fumbles and manages to seat himself. 

Eddie shifts to try and get comfortable, definitely knowing he’s in his friend’s apartment from how lumpy the couch is. This isn’t what he thought they were doing today for his birthday. It was supposed to be a birthday 420 celebration, not weird blindfold hour. He didn't mind blindfold hour with someone else. Kage was too Kage for that to go down. 

He wrinkles his nose when he hears things being moved around. Followed by… music being turned on? “Kage…?” 

The other man laughs, “Happy birthday you sack of crap.” A door opens and Kage speaks up easily, “Take off your blindfold, bud!” He can hear Kage hurrying off from the rush of footsteps. 

Eddie does as much, glad he can finally _see_. He blinks a little at the lighting realizing Kage has set up a few of those party city multi-colored lights along with a cheapo boom box. As his vision adjusts, he realizes a scantily clad woman is standing in the doorway. She’s staring at him dead on, turning red. He realizes very quickly it is the cute girl he kinda has been flirting with over their DnD guild server. He's used to actually seeing her discord icon more than her actual face. 

He opens and closes his mouth, “Ophelia!?” 

“Eddie.” She chokes out. “_Oh my god_.” 

Eddie awkwardly sinks into the couch. “…I, didn’t know you did house calls.” God this was weird and terrible. 

“I normally don’t but…” She steps through the doorway, rubbing the back of her neck. She realizes how underdressed she is and crosses her arms over her chest. “I… I think I’m going to refund your friend.” 

“Y-yeah, god, I’m sorry.” He rises from the couch, shrugging out of his vest to slide it over her shoulders. She gives him a tiny smile for his efforts. Eddie is just glad to turn on the normal lights and kill the music. “Kage! Hey!” 

The lack of an answer makes Eddie figure the other man has fled the premises. “Feel free to use the bathroom and like, change.” Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. “Can I at least buy you a coffee?” 

“Y-yeah. If you want to?” She rubs at her cheeks, hiding in his vest. “Is it really your birthday?” 

Eddie nodded, “Mmh, yeah, I thought I was gonna get high and watch shitty movies, not… see a friend half-naked. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, really. I can tell you didn't plan this, Eddie.” She rubs at her bare arms. “I’m going to change, I’ll meet you by the front door?” 

“Course, course, take your time.” He waves her off, moving to start turning off the disco lights. He eventually finds a note from Kage stuffed in the couch cushions along with a bunch of one-dollar bills. 

_You’re welcome, Eddie. I know you’ll appreciate this gift for a good long while._ The muscular man rolls his eyes as he drops the note back on the couch. “Yeah, sure KG. You dork.” 

He's at least going to use this money to buy his friend a coffee and apologize repeatedly until he's blue in the damn face.

**Author's Note:**

> Ophelia and Eddie are bffs with some flirting undertones in their group. Ophelia's day job is a stripper/cam girl of some variety. Eddie wants to sink into the earth at Kage unintentionally hiring her, lmao.


End file.
